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Vol 688 - April 23, 2008 - The Bible for Dummies
Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - --------------------- HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED! Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055 ------------------------ Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet? Get ready to jump into something "Strange!" http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html ================================== Strange Quotes About "Television" MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's. - Doug Ferrari Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks. - Eric Sevareid TV is chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. - Gallagher If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005) I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids. - Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Death, 1997 If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives. - Marlon Brando (1924 - 2004) ================================== Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Bible for Dummies The Bible for Dummies AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew. Submitted by Kelly H. ================================== Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix ================================== CRAZY CAT - GET OFF MY BACK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136824.html 1913 CLEVELAND BRIDGE ACCIDENT - SCRIPT AVENUE - SHIP COLLISION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/137167.html HIPPO SURROUNDED BY A SEA OF PINK FLAMINGOS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/137266.html TINY BABY MARMOSET! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/137267.html STRANGE CAT WITH BLACK MUSTACHE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/137277.html STRANGE LIZARD WITH LONG TONGUE SNATCHES FLY OFF LITTLE KIDS TONGUE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/137281.html STRANGE CAR PAINT JOB - GET A GRIP! BAD DRIVER? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/137287.html DANGEROUS STORMS - SHIP CRASHING THROUGH HUGE WAVE! - 4 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/137295.html STRANGE INSURANCE AD - WHY WE INSURE WOMEN ONLY! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/137300.html STRANGE CELEBRITY COUPLES - CAMERON DIAZ & JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/137324.html US NAVY PATROL BOAT - HADITHA, IRAQ - 12-20-17 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/137328.html STRANGE RIOT POLICE - CHASING A TERRORIST ON A CAMEL! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/137331.html STRANGE RIOT POLICE - NOT CLOWNING AROUND! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/137333.html MY STRANGE TOYOTA WORK TRUCK - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/137351.html STRANGE FABRIC COVERED ABANDONED GAS STATION - SYRACUSE, NY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/137352.html R2-D2 - THE ANTIQUE 'WOOD' VERSION! - STAR WARS DROID - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/137359.html STRANGE SPORTS BANNER - RUSSIAN SOCCER GAME - NASTY! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/137360.html GARBAGE MEN MAD AT CAR BLOCKING ACCESS - BLOCK CAR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/137361.html ================================== The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb! http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html ================================== The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week Strange But True Animal Facts - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/137362.html Strange But True Shark Facts - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/137363.html Strange But True Facts About the Earth - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/137364.html Strange Jail Sentences - The Longest - 10,000 Years! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/137365.html Rejected State Motto's - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/21148.html ================================== The Featured New Category This Week - College - University - High School - Teacher/Prof http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/110_1.html ================================== Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/ Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/ Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/ Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/ Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/ All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/ Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/ Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/ Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/ Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/ Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/ Hurricanes - Lightning Tsunamis - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/ ========================== ********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!) Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow! #1 Stranger --------------------- HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED! Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055 ------------------------ Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html 
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