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VOL 1570 - JAN. 22, 2017 - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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JANUARY FUN!


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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Top Ten Country & Western Songs

10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable without You Itís like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

From the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak

A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential."

Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the American Journal of Family Practice fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."

The letter from the Air Force colonel in charge of safety said that rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds "have an explosive force upon surface impact that is sufficient to exceed the accepted overpressure threshhold of physiological damage for exposed personnel." In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls on someone, he or she is not likely to survive.

A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.

At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.

A personal ad from an unidentified mewspaper announces that a "formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.

After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.

The description on the package of Stouffer's Veal Tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains "exquisite egg pasta." The list of ingredients, however, includes "cooked noodle product."

In St. Louis there is an oriental rug store that advertizes "semi-antique" rugs.

The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school graduation.

Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."

According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.

Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." You probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.

It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore. Now it's "chronologically experienced citizens."

According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."

Submitted by Jenny J.

Rec'd from Bill Kruse:

When a Professional Bull Rider suffered three cracked vertebrae and a broken collar bone after having been bucked an enraged 1,800 pound animal, the medical authorities attributed his injuries to "aggravated bovine ejection."
No joke!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE TOYS - CRUTCHES. CAST AND WHEELCHAIR PLAYSET FROM "MY LIFE" SERIES - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/200992.html

1955 CADILLAC AMBULANCE - BIG RED BOAT! - http://www.strangetrucks.com/content/item/200993.html

MILLENNIALS - MOST POPULAR XMAS GIFT - SURVIVAL KIT FOR MOVING OUT OF MOMS BASEMENT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/200994.html

STRANGE PUZZLE FUN - FIND THE PANDA! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/200995.html

STRANGE JEWELRY - RING WITH MESSAGE ON THE INSIDE THAT LEAVES AN IMPRESSION ON FINGER - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/200996.html

STRANGE LAWS AROUND THE WORLD - PROSTITUTES IN AUSTRALIA BARRED FROM USING SKYWRITING TO ADVERTISE THEIR SERVICE THOUGHT ITS LEGAL - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/200997.html

MILITARY FUN - JOIN THE NAVY - SEE THE WORLD! HANG OUT ON THE SHIP! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/200998.html

TELEVISION SERIES SECRETS - SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE - DAMON WAYANS FIRED DURING THE LIVE SHOW FOR PLAYING EXTREMELY EFFEMINATE MAN WITHOUT APPROVAL! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/200741.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE ACCESSORIES - INCREDIBLE OPTICAL ILLUSION ON MOTORCYCLE GAS TANK - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/200999.html

SPECTACULAR GOLF HOLES - ELEVATED TEE HITTING DOWN TO ISLAND GREEN - WOW! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/201002.html

CLASSIC OLDE MOVIES - BRITISH AGENT 007 JAMES BOND (SEAN CONNERY) EXAMINES THE DEAD BODY TO GOLD PAINTED GIRL IN "GOLDFINGER" - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/201003.html

STRANGE FURNITURE - RED BRIT CALL-BOX CONVERTED TO PLUSH LEATHER COUCH - http://www.strangecollege.comcontent/item/201004.html

STRANGE NORDIC FASHIONS - WILD BEARDED HEAD COVERING WITH HORNS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/201005.html

STRANGE PETS - GOOFY LOOKING CAT - LOOKS LIKE DEWEY FROM MALCOM IN THE MIDDLE - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/201006.html

STRANGE OLDE MILITARY PIXS - WWI SOLDIERS PAY TRIBUTE TO 8 MILLION DONKEYS THAT DIED - SOLDIERS LINE UP TO CREATE IMPRESSION OF DONKEY PROFILE! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/201000.html

STRANGE MILITARY STORIES - MARINE MECHANIC STOLE A-4 SKYHAWK AND TOOK A JOY RIDE - 1986 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/200957.html

HOLLYWOOD'S MOST EXPENSIVE HOUSE - BEL-AIR PROPERTY HAS $250,000 PRICE TAG! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/200959.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - MOTORCYCLES - TRIKES - SIDECARS - CUSTOM - HARLEY'S - CHOPPERS - SCOOTERS - MOPEDS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100003_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

More Governmental Lies About Electric Cars - The Untold Costs Of This Failed Scam - Chevy Volt - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/200918.html

Strange Numbers Fun - Calculate Your Birth Number - Find Out Who You Are Like! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/177094.html

A Dozen of the Dumbest Celebrity Quotes and Deep Thoughts! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/188126.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - Jokes - ALL Kinds, Puns, Quotes, Slams

http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/category/102_1.html

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