VOL 1567 - JAN. 11, 2017 - Strange Housekeeping Tips
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. (Charles Lamb)
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. (Sam Goldwyn)
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan)
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)
There are three easy ways of losing money - racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain. (Lord Amherst)
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. (Paul Getty)
Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially legal tender. (Kay Ingram)
Today's Featured Humor : -) - Housekeeping Tips
Tomorrow I will do the housework, NO EXCUSES!!! (unless they're good ones)
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!
3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.
4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
11. Simplify... hire a maid.
12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
14. I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
15. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
16. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
17. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
Submitted by Kelly J.
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